Keeping Up With Jones - The Missourian: Columns

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Keeping Up With Jones

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Posted: Wednesday, September 26, 2012 11:45 am | Updated: 9:13 pm, Sat Jun 22, 2013.

I was searching for a column idea Monday, and typed “funny column ideas” into the Google machine and suddenly was swept up with the feeling of déjà vu all over again.

Maybe it was the feeling of desperation for lack of a column idea, which happens more often than not, or maybe I had searched for column ideas in a past life. . .

I know that “funny column ideas” isn’t incredibly original, almost as original as the title “Keeping Up With Jones,” but still the familiarity of the situation was gripping.

Maybe this all seemed so familiar because the third link from the top was to a column I wrote four short months ago.

I guess my memory is so bad that I couldn’t remember that I did the same search for a topic in May.

The writer of that May “Keeping Up With Jones” eventually found a website that made suggestions for children’s stories and wrote a ridiculous column about nothing.

I am now coming to grips with the thought that my memory is so terrible that I may very well have only written three original columns, then rehashed them and sent them to press to be published several times.

But then it dawned on me — I am famous.

Not many people can type in a legitimate phrase, and have a piece of their original work pop up near the top of the Google page. It doesn’t matter if the author’s body of work is one column written in 2005 and then passed off 100 different times for seven years.

This is important to me because I have been Googling myself (get your minds out of the gutter) for years to no avail.

I finally made it. This is my 15 minutes.

If I am to Google “Gregg Jones,” there is a long list of semi-famous Gregg Joneses.

Listed well before the Union Missourian Editor Gregg Jones, there is the author of “Honor in the Dust” Gregg Jones, the muscular therapist Gregg Jones, then the architect Gregg E. Jones followed by the Chief Master Sgt. Gregg E. Jones. After that, of course, is the “Turret Man No. 1” in the series Terra Nova played by Gregg Jones.

For those of you who don’t know, a turret man is somebody who is very well respected, wildly popular and incredibly handsome. For those who do know what a turret man is, it isn’t necessarily any of those.

There is also a golfer Gregg Jones, an artist Gregg C. Jones, and a couple of lawyers named Gregg Jones.

After you sift through the doctors, chiropractor, a pastor and several women with their last names hyphenated as Gregg-Jones, the first reference to yours truly is on page 46 of Google.

It also is a “Keeping Up With Jones” column, a very recent column about reality shows. Then on the next page is a listing of how to contact me at The Missourian.

I never had an answer before now when asked what my inspiration is for a column.

Now readers know my secret. Instead of looking for inspiration in nature, family or even friends, I just sit around and Google myself until I find enough to write about.

/opinion/columns