Keeping Up With Jones - The Missourian: Columns

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Keeping Up With Jones

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Posted: Wednesday, April 3, 2013 11:15 am | Updated: 9:11 pm, Sat Jun 22, 2013.

I imagine an outsider looking in would be perplexed by how many celebrate Easter Day.

Many Christians flip back and forth between the religious holiday marked by the resurrection of Jesus, to the secular traditions of finding plastic Easter eggs, apparently laid by a giant bunny.

Is this practice sending the right message to children?

To begin with, bunnies don’t lay eggs. So where are these eggs coming from?

Are the chocolate eggs disgustingly symbolic? It may actually help for people on diets to tell themselves that all day long on Easter Sunday.

I guess that would mean that the plastic eggs are a lack of fiber, or some nutrient in the bunny’s diet, and possibly an excess of crayons.

That doesn’t explain how the quarter got in those eggs and why little kids aren’t wearing gloves to hunt for the things.

As soon as children wake up in the morning, they are bombarded by multiple traditions that don’t necessarily jive.

The day can range, within minutes, from services on a deeply religious and holy day, to a fictitious bunny possibly laying pastel land mines.

That leads us to the number of animals it takes to make Easter successful.

Of course, there is the Easter Bunny, but the eggs have to come from a chicken, right?

And then most of us eat ham for Easter dinner, which is never actually served at dinnertime.

If it isn’t ham, then it is lamb, either because the two rhyme or for religious symbolism. The jury is still out.

So not only is Easter confusing to children, but also to our bodies.

I understand that the egg represents new beginning, or a resurrection, but what about the plastic green grass? I think that represents the end of vacuum cleaners.

Another element that is tricky about Easter, is that it moves around. You think you have it figured out, and then next year it is month later.

Each year, the holiday is the first Sunday after the full moon following the March equinox. And since I am not a mathematician, I usually celebrate when someone in my family tells me to come over to eat ham.

This year, Easter was early on March 31, very close to April 1 — and I am pretty sure that some of the bunny and egg traditions were actually made on April Fools’ Day.

Why else would a family dress in their Sunday best, place their child on the lap of a man dressed as a giant bunny and eat his chocolate droppings?

/opinion/columns

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