Quote of the week: “Every day aboveground is a great day. Remember that.” – Pitbull
Did I Hear a Cluck?
Is it just me, or is there a rubber chicken flying a muck in St. Clair?
Last week, there were innocent bystanders, including myself, at Orchard Park, who witnessed a yellow and red chicken clucking loudly as they passed by.
For some, the rubber chicken made them laugh, and for others, it made them flinch or run away. For me, I was just confused and pleasantly amused.
The rubber chicken, I’ll call Miss Cluckers, was also seen flying around the streets. It is rumored that Miss Cluckers will appear out of nowhere when someone is least expecting it. Its victims could be getting their mail, walking their dogs or pushing their children in strollers.
One can tell when Miss Cluckers is near because the birds stop chirping and wind dies down. A few St. Clairians submitted their encounters. They wanted to stay anonymous, so the first woman who submitted I will call Josephine Baker — not to be confused with the real 1920s French entertainer, jazz dancer and activist.
Baker first experienced Miss Cluckers while exercising at Orchard Park sometime last week.
“I was jogging along doing my normal routine and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I hear a cluck! Yes, a cluck!” Baker told The Missourian.
“At first I was startled, then I found it funny, then I was concerned. What could possibly be clucking at me in the middle of a park?”
She noted a warning to her fellow residents: “Be on the lookout for anything that could be clucking at you.”
The second anonymous person who submitted their encounter I will call him Carl Friedrich Gauss – not to be confused with the 19th century German mathematician and physicist who made significant contributions to many areas in math.
He wrote to The Missourian about how he heard the bird while on his roof.
“I was flabbergasted to see a rubber chicken flying down the road. While outside adjusting the antenna on my roof, the sight of this repugnant fowl squawking at me, left me so aghast that I nearly fell from the peak of my roof,” Gauss said.
Miss Cluckers had not only squawked once at Gauss, but twice.
“After a good struggle, I was able to pull myself up by the mast of the antenna and regain my footing on the roof.
“By that time, the deviant foul had changed direction and flew south, mocking my predicament,” Gauss said.
The moral to his story was that “Until this outlaw poultry is stopped, I will no longer be venturing onto my roof anytime soon.”
The third person who submitted her story I’ll call her C.L. Rice – not to be confused with Condoleezza Rice, the 66th United States secretary of state. Rice told her story in a rap.
“See what had happened was . . .
“There I was driving by when something yellow caught my eye. It was silent at first, but then came a burst!
“A squeak and a squawk, I watched others jump while they walked.
“The rubber chicken did me in. She is not my best friend. So if you see her today, tomorrow, or next week be expecting quite a loud squeak.
“She has no filter and knows no bounds and those who least expect it . . . will be found.”
I would like to thank the brave people who wrote in because it’s not easy to admit that a rubber chicken is taunting them, as it could be just in their minds.
I don’t want to count the chickens before they hatch, though, because there really could be a rubber chicken on the loose.
Please take my online poll about the rubber chicken. I’m curious to find out if others in the area have heard and/or have seen this rubber fowl.