Keeping Up With Jones - The Missourian: Local News

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Keeping Up With Jones

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Posted: Wednesday, May 1, 2013 9:15 am | Updated: 9:11 pm, Sat Jun 22, 2013.

The wedding is less than two weeks away and we are eyeing the weather forecast daily. . . some people hourly.

Most extended forecasts only predict weather for eight days. However they all can only predict weather with 100 percent accuracy for about 15 minutes out.

I think this is a conspiracy by the lame stream liberal media so people continue to tune in. Why not just tell us the weather for the entire year on Jan. 1?

How silly is it to have to check back daily to see what is new on the weather front? I blame Obama.

For example, the predicted high for the wedding day ranges from a high of 77 degrees, to a high of 88 degrees.

Granted, I will be wearing the exact same thing either way. In fact, the temperature could swing 20 degrees either direction and I would still wear the same attire in both extremes.

The forecast gets tricky in regards to precipitation.

That ranges from cloudy skies, with maybe a few drops of rain, to a 60 percent chance of rain.

So basically we are preparing for drought-like conditions with the slight chance of building an ark.

I know that I have written often about my upcoming wedding. I am sure that some of you are ready for me to get this thing over with so I can return to writing about Googling myself and bacon.

I considered opening this column with a line about weddings — just to get rid of the unappreciative readers — and then going into a tirade about something completely unrelated.

But obviously that didn’t work.

So, back to the wedding:

I have heard many times lines like, “It is good luck if it rains on your wedding day,” and “Rain is refreshing, like a new beginning,” and “Gregg, there is still time to run.”

I think those, the first two, are said by people who had rain on their wedding day and don’t want to admit how uncomfortable everyone was.

Our wedding is under a pavilion, so it is covered, but the path to the pavilion is not covered.

Is it really all that awesome to get soggy, muddy tuxedo shoes and frizzy hair?

It is a Hindu tradition that rain is good luck on a wedding day, and some Hindu gods have multiple arms. Apparently to carry a bunch of umbrellas in case it is a really lucky day.

I consider it good luck if the bride doesn’t cry on the wedding day, or if our family members don’t slide down a mud-covered hill.

It is also believed to be good luck to find a spider in a wedding dress. I only see screams coming from that — not luck.

It goes without saying, so I will write it here instead, that I will say we had a lucky wedding day if the temperatures are cool, there is no rain and no spiders in any dresses, or tuxedos.

/local_news

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